de·prive
–verb, -prived, -priv·ing.
"to remove or withhold something from the enjoyment or possession of (a person or persons)."
It's a bad word isn't it? Deprive. Deprivation. It feels synonymous with the word, "diet." Ooooh. Bad Me. Because diet and deprivation both kind of feel like they belong in the same category right? If you would like to lose weight, the best, healthiest, longest-lasting method is to make it a lifestyle change; a conscious decision made with the rest of your life in mind. And since diets have a "start" and an "end" the "d" word is a no-no. Similarily, I hear the word deprivation and think, "Who, realistically, could ever (or would ever want to) 'deprive' themselves from food the rest of their life? Deprivation is what Dawn did, is what anorexics do, is what crazy crash-dieters do: 'Witholding (food) from the enjoyment or possession of a person.'"
But.
THis weekend I passed up a donut (saturday), some homemade strawberry shortcake (Sunday), and opted for the healthy entree at a restaurant (Saturday again). I sometimes wonder, "Am I depriving myself?" No. I'm just giving it up for something I want more. To fit into a pair of sixes, to feel gross when I eat really unhealthy food, to get a good night's sleep. (crazy that it's starting to affect my sleep. who knew eating better could help you sleep better. ha. probably lots of you...)
That's not to say I pass on everything. Friday was my free day and I enjoyed several handfuls of mini-marshmallows (the fruity kind) and a couple of handfuls of chocolate chips. That was right before the delicious steak, mashed potatoes, salad drenched in dressing and big fatty white roll.
Anyway, my point is that sometimes deprivation seems like an uncomfortable investment with very little return. The fact is though, I've started losing weight again over the past month because I've been saying "no thanks" a lot more. No to the leftovers on the baby's highchair tray, no to dessert at neighbor's houses, no to Krispy Kreme. For lots of reasons (one of them being the level of content I've reached with my body) I had been saying "ok, sure, what's one more cookie going to hurt" a little more than I'd like to admit.
And so maybe a little deprivation isn't so horrible. Donuts, ice cream, pizza, chocolate cake... Could I give it all up cold turkey? NEVER! I wouldn't want to. But could I live without it for six days a week? Absolutely. Not getting that extra hour of sleep this morning could be seen as SERIOUS hardship, but I'm getting to the point where not going for a run in the morning feels more like deprivation.
As for the word "diet," I know so many people who have started one like weight watchers, or body for life, or eating clean, who have realized they like the way they feel when they're following it's guidelines. Long after the "diet" has ended, is it possible that they might just take away some healthier habits? Just a thought...
Is there a point where what felt like deprivation in the beginning doesn't anymore? What do you think about the "d" words?
April 13, 2008
Deprivation Gets a Bad Rap
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31 comments:
Wow. This is a tough one for me. In order for me to be successful at the weight loss game, I almost feel like I have to deprive myself 100%. I'm a take no prisoners kind of gal. When I go after something, I really go after it. Indulging in a treat here or there feels like I'm failing even though I tell myself that I'm NOT dieting...
It's something I really need to work on. Because even though I now crave healthier food and LOVE to workout (very strange, I know!) there are times when I just want greasy pizza and some freakin' ice cream.
I need to learn how to play the moderation game.
Good post. And FYI - I was ready to binge while watching that Super Slim Me video... I was soooo hungry on her behalf!
I agree that it is a lifestyle change. I don't believe in deprivation either. I think you have to treat yourself every once in a while.
Glam. Oh, I was so hungry too for her. It's no coincidence I took my Free day on friday, LOL! As for the dperivation- I think you and Molly are REALLY similar. (p.s. if anyone is wondering if Molly is still alive - yes. There will more on her later in the week...)
Running Knitter, I agree about the lifestyle change, but what if someone doesn't really know how to change? And how do you know how often to treat yourself?
I feel like it's more of a short term sacrafice for a long term goal. You have to work hard for most good things, and a hot body is definately one of them.
Depravation is tough when it's not a choice. For example, if you're my hubby and your wife who is trying to lose weight doesn't buy full fat mayo on her grocery trips, that depravation might be rough on you. However for me, who is depriving myself on purpose of that, it's no big deal because it's a choice. Choice is key.
Doing the "d" word damaged my metabolism badly when I was a teenager, and I'm still to this day fighting against the effects of depriving myself nutrition I really needed.
Lifestyle change - definitely. It just can't come overnight.
pom-
yeah, I just wonder about the level of sacrifice and if it feels like sacrifice, or if it eventually becomes a habit, easier, where there's no "end."
Randi,
choice IS key. It's means to an end. You give up x, to get z; for for your husby, giving up x is just giving up x.
c-rah,
I think that's key. There is a huge difference between nutritional deprivation and feeling deprived of sweets on the weekend. And I'm starting to think the "lifestyle change" comes easier with certain ways of eating. Cabbage soup diet, no. Body for Life (aptly named), maybe.
I hate both d-words: deprivation and diet. I do like the words "healthier choices," "portion control" and "moderation." Weight Watchers taught me about those three concepts, especially moderation. I can't enjoy a life without chocolate, pizza, pasta, bread, etc. I'm a food person.
But, thank goodness, I'm also a exercising person, a running person, a weigh-lifting person. It's all about balance.
Donna, I agree. BUT,
Weight Watchers taught me about those three concepts, especially moderation.
WW is a technically a "diet", no?
Maybe there should be a post about the "diets" that turn into non-diets, LOL...
Great post and such an interesting topic! I agree totally that it's all about portion control and moderation. Learning to balance food intake with exercise is all key.
It sounds like you are no longer following a "plan" and are doing it on your own. Am I right or do you actually still follow WW or some other program ?
I admire your positivity and tips on getting into those size 6 jeans! Hope I'll get there too one day! :)
I've got an M word for you Katieo - moderation. That's the key. Deprivation=zero doughnut holes
Moderation=just one doughnut hole
Everything in moderation. It's dangerous though because moderation can lead to reckless or thoughtless eating if it isn't given enough attention. I have really been practicing moderation much better lately because for a while there, I was just like glam, all or nothing with no room for error. I don't think that's healthy though or realistic in the sense of long term.
As a result, I've been maintaining my weight for the past month instead of losing weight but I'm actually ok with that. I spent 6 hardcore months losing weight and I may just take a few months to practice my healthy lifestyle of maintaining. Then when I feel I'm ready to lose again, I can dial it up a notch.
Everything in moderation.
and is it truly deprivation or will power when youre passing on something for the reasons you stated?
I think thats why the book EAT CAKE resonated with me.
in that you didnt think "MAN I SOSOSOSOSOSOSOSOSO want that treat but Ill (*sigh*) say no."
does that make any sense?
is it more of a c-word? (choice)
M.
(and INTERESTING about the sleep!)
I agree with Mizfit, since you recognize that the foods are going to make you feel (and sleep) worse, you are opting not to eat them. The food no longer has an emotional connection for you---you are simply fueling your body with the best choices and feeling the wonderful effects of it all! Now, if only I could get myself there too! It all makes sense, it's just a matter of choice.
These days, I have no self control. Once I open the donut hole box, I'm usually left with an empty box and a ring of white powder around my face!
hey healthy pear!
Well, I never followed WW, but MOlly has. I'm currently doing Body for Life (I did it after child #1 and had success) I usually eat according to it's guidelines, how strict I am with it usually is indicative of my feeling good and getting smaller.
Lucas.
Ahhh, moderation IS a slippery slope don't you think? There's that gray area between maintaining and "dialing it up a notch" where it can get a little iffy. For instance this whole winter, I've been exercising like a maniac, eating well, counting calories etc. But I wasn't really stopping myself from a little too much picking and treats (which we all know I come across OFTEN). Now that I'm back really trying, I can see it...couldn't then. Even now, I'm saying no a lot, but I still have my free day, so I do feel like I've got deprivation in moderation (if that's not an oxymoron).
Awesome post.
I think in this culture, "deprivation" has indeed become a dirty word. And I'm as guilty as anyone of feeling like if I want it, and other people are having it, then I deserve it too.
But whether you call it deprivation or dieting or even just "moderation"--there's no way to get healthy without sometimes saying no to things we'd like to have.
But balance is the key--deprivation for deprivation's sake is, for some, a road to eating disorders.
Miz, yes! made sense.
and is it truly deprivation or will power when youre passing on something for the reasons you stated?
Well, both. It definitely is a choice. Whether it's willpower or motivation or whatever, skipping out on certain things (if you want to lose weight and be healthier in the long run), in my opinion, inevitable. I just think we all hear the word deprivation and think, eating disorders...not being kind to ourselves...missing out on social events...etc, and that's not always the case.
And the sleep? Yeah, let's just say I NEVER sleep well (kids aside) on my free day nights.
WM,
Choice is interesting though, because it definitely has gotten easier. What I'm curious about is how people start off and not having that piece of birthday cake and it feels like the end of the world. It's really hard to say no. But then somewhere along the road it doesn't feel so hard. So hardcore deprivation to begin with, evolving in to a simple matter of choice. I'm for sure not there yet, LOL!
Crabby,
And I'm as guilty as anyone of feeling like if I want it, and other people are having it, then I deserve it too.
me too. I'm trying to turn that around as in "I deserve to be able to run long distances and wear a 6, just as much as the next person" rather than the donut. Sometimes it works, sometimes not.
I was just about to highlight the rest of your comment (literally) and expound on how I agree but I won't, I'll just say I agree 100%. :)
i don't believe in deprivation, because then you have to tell yourself that there are good foods and bad foods, and you begin to feel guilty about eating "bad" foods. i've started to realize that there are certain foods that are better for you, but they are not "good" foods as opposed to "bad." does this make sense? i don't want to feel guilty for eating anything, but i acknowledge that a hot bowl of oats is going to keep me more full than a toasters' strudel. anyway, it's all a calorie game - as long as you stick to a limit and exercise, you don't really have to deny yourself anything. most women i know would rather eat the largest possible portions for their calorie limit, so that's when we start choosing foods that are better for us - and stop depriving ourselves.
Eurydice, I see what you mean, but I don't think passing treats or saying no to dessert necessarily means that it's a bad food. Or that foods are automatically categorized as such. For me, I just think about it as part of the equation of fitting into jeans, losing weight. I had NO guilt when I ate my marshmallows and big steak dinner, it was my free day. it's all a calorie game - as long as you stick to a limit and exercise, you don't really have to deny yourself anything.
That's true, but when I was calorie counting and just trying to watch what I ate, I found myself making caloric decisions, not nutritional ones. I feel better now with a just a *little* bit of deprivation than I did when I'd eat a small bit of whatever was being offered. (the thing is too, we're all in such different boats with our starting points, tastes, exercise habits. What may seem like deprivation to one, really isn't at all to someone else...or to the same person...just a later version of themselves does that make sense?)
Anyway, thanks for the comment.
we're all in such different boats with our starting points, tastes, exercise habits. What may seem like deprivation to one, really isn't at all to someone else...
this is definitely true. actually there are some things i don't allow myself to buy because i can't control myself around them... for example, i will never ever buy a tub of ice cream or a box of cookies and keep it in my house. never. and i definitely feel "deprived" when i walk down the ice cream and cookie aisle at the supermarket, because i want a fudgeo realllll bad! (keep in mind i live alone, so i'm not depriving anyone else... i have to watch out for things like secret ice cream binges). that isn't to say that i never eat cookies or ice cream, i just don't keep them around.
and you're right, it is a choice as well. for some people (myself included), fitting into a cute pair of jeans is worth more than the taste of ice cream... most of the time anyway haha.
also, it's smart to have a free day. i am a LOT less strict on the weekends, so i don't mind passing up stuff during the week.
I don't really feel deprived. If I want something, I just try to eat a little, or only have it once a week instead of every other day. Finding the balance is tough, though. It isn't realistic for me to never have the stuff I want, but sometimes I go overboard, too.
I have a friend who is "naturally" thin. I would love to eat like she does. She eats what she wants. She just wants little bits though. If we go to an ice cream shop, she always gets the smallest size and eats it slowly. She eats healthy food with ocassional treats. She has always eaten like that and has never had to try to lose weight. She is just slim. I am trying to be like that...get to the point where I automatically make those decisions, so I don't feel like "I want to eat a large, but I will get the small." you know, to where it doesn't even occur to me to get the large.
Eurydice, for example, i will never ever buy a tub of ice cream or a box of cookies and keep it in my house
Me either! (Ask my boys how much they love that...yes, the husband is in that equation too, lol...)
And passing on things during the week has just payed off for me, and it's simple to plan free days around birthday parties, big dinners, etc. It only works though if I'm pretty strict throughout the week. Otherwise I don't get the ill effects of eating junk food.
Robin,
The funny thing is, I've been wondering about this whole "deprivation" concept, but hello. I eat whatever I want once a week. It's timing for me. Little bits here and there are MUCH harder for me to control than once a week for a planned event or party, or whatever.
you know, to where it doesn't even occur to me to get the large.
THAT made me laugh! :D
What a great post. And it's totally true. But at the moment when habit strikes, I think it's tough to stop and think of how great your goal feels. The start is tough, but then balance can become your new habit. (Such as saying "no" once in a while!)
Dieting IS hard... but living with a body that you hate is harder.
I think you've nailed it. It seems that many people set out on a mission to be healthier but they're not ready for it and then get scared off... it's really important to know the limitations of your body and WANT to choose healthier options. You should be saying "no" to some things because that's what you really want to do, rather than forcing yourself to do it. After all, life needs to be enjoyed! Deprivation is not going to help.
Hey-o Katie, stumbled across your blog a couple days ago (along with many others), and I have to say THANK YOU!
Talk about motivation! I'm working on getting my own blog set up in some attempt at self-motivation (being not so html savvy this may take a while)
As far as the 'd's I agree. Deadly d's. In my experience when you deprive or diet you are far more likely to end up overeating/binging and then feel really guilty.
great post and interesting comments.
had to swing back and read :)
M.
I think deprivation gets confused with delayed gratification. In our on demand society - we want everything now! There is nothing wrong - infact there is everything right with waiting for the reward - putting it off until you have "earned" it. I think that these days - people have a tendency to thing they should be able to have whatever they want. I also liked what someone else said - when you are trying to lose weight - you can have anything you really want - you just can't have everything you kinda want or would like. Figure out what you really want - plan for it and have it. That is not deprivation - that is self control.
I have to say Kudos to Shannon!
That is very very true. One of the ways, one key way, that I motivate myself is with a 'reward' system.
When I lose x pounds, or when I can use 15lb weights, or when I can go up the two flights of stairs to my class without panting, I will treat myself with *insert thing here*
The key thing for me is to never make food the reward. (exception would be a dinner for me and my partner, at a healthy restaurant we have in town)
Once you start using food as a reward, it still seems to me far to much like deprivation. In a sense it is: I won't have this food until *blank* date, then I can have it. I don't know about you, but if I did that (even if I hated blank food), I would be very tempted to go overboard.
hi arijo! I'll come on over and check out the new blog, glad you're joining us! :)
and Shannon,
delayed gratification. bingo. I think that's what I was trying to get at. Sometimes the delay part sucks and feels like we don't get what we want. But really, it's just putting it off for something better.
I hate the "D" word. I refuse to use it. It's a dirty word that "D" word. I think the healthy habits do stick, but you always have to be aware of what you are eating and thinking about. Just like you think about what you are going to wear in the morning, you think about what you are or aren't going to eat that day.
As for deprivation...Why are you depriving your loyal readers of our daily dose of SS? I miss the crazy toddler already! I never really got to know Molly or the other littles that you all have between you but I feel DEPRIVED! Now granted you did share Sue and her Naval Gazing, and she does make me almost spit water out of my nose but she can't take your place. How about a monthly post just so that us SS junkies can get our fix? Do any of your kidlets type yet? Maybe they can interview you and Molly and tell us what is going on? Why do you want to make me beg?
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